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How to revive a flagging sex life

You've been together a while now and it's fair to say the honeymoon period is over.

Remember those first, heady days where every encounter was filled with sensual kisses, lingering gazes and passion-fuelled naughtiness? Remember the thrill you felt at recalling the events of the night before? The phone calls, the messages, the suggestive body language... What happened?

No longer does sitting on the sofa mean hours of snogging, sometimes you pass like ships in the night, barely murmuring so much as three words between you. This is real life: work, stress, exhaustion and responsibilities; yet it doesn't mean that your sex life should suffer. In fact, sex can help alleviate many of life's worries, so it should be encouraged.

Spontaneity is a great thing, but if it's not happening, then perhaps a little planning is required to get things back on that orgasmic track. Here are some easy ideas to help you get your groove back.

After a while, people settle into a routine. It's comfortable, but it's lazy, so change that routine, even just once a week. Surprise your partner by meeting them after work and going out or sending them a text which leaves them in no doubt of your intentions.

If it has been a while and you are not feeling too confident, slip on some sexy lingerie . While he will be most appreciative, there's something about putting on silky, smooth and luxurious undergarments that makes the wearer feel desirable and gorgeous too. Make an effort to create a sexy atmosphere, as nothing is going to happen if 'The One Show' is on in the background. Dip the lights, play some 'mood' music, send your partner wild by wearing a provocative scent. If one of the senses is lowered, the others will be heightened. Cook a romantic meal using aphrodisiac foods that require eating with the fingers, like oysters or strawberries dipped in chocolate. Avocado, vanilla, chilies and pomegranate also stimulate the appetite, if you get the gist. Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good. He won't fail to notice. If stress at work is one of the factors preventing the two of you being intimate, then run a deep bubble bath, sit in candle light and offer to give him a massage. Making long, slow strokes, use oils, props and tiny kisses. By this point, both of you will be near boiling point, guaranteed. You can take it from here!

Making your first time enjoyable

Many ladies who aren't using sex toys are intrigued by them, but can feel a bit scared about starting out. However there's a few things you can remember to make your first time with a sex toy really enjoyable - enough to make you want to do it again! Firstly, be logical when you choose your first toy. Don't go straight in there with the intimidating big dildos; try something more petite that is a bet less scary and more life-like. Think about whether or not the toy is likely to turn you on - after all, that's its desired effect. Once you've decided upon the size and style (life-like, fake-looking or just plain) you can think about the colours. Secondly, stock up on lots of lubricant. When you have sex, this isn't as much of a problem but when using sex toys, you might not be turned on straight away. That's why it's important to have a helping hand ready! You'll always want to use a condom with your sex toy as well. This may sound odd, but your body may react to any one of the toy's ingredients, so it's best to be safe. Next, check the sex toy for any cracks, tears or any other signs that it might not be top notch. Problems can occur in transit so it may not be the manufacturer's fault, but it's always best to check. If you do find any flaws, take it back to where you bought it and ask to exchange. Now that you're ready, here comes the fun part. But the tips don't stop there! Remember to take it slow; going fast may seem pleasurable but you could hurt yourself. Then you'll be put off for life and that's not ideal. Exploring what you like and how you like it is half the fun of owning a sex toy, so set a few hours aside just to see how it goes. You shouldn't worry about starting off with sex toys; you should look forward to it! So follow these tips and you're sure to have a first time you'll always remember.

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